Aviation Humor

Staffer Lance Holst recently set a record by claiming the largest confirmed road kill ever recorded during Motorcyclist testing. In fact, due to the size of the bird and the circumstances surrounding its demise, Holst was required to submit to interrogation by the FAA, as well as the NTSB, AAA, the National Audubon Society and the Guinness Book of Records. We quote the official FAA report.

"During a routine evaluation session at Motorcyclist's desert test complex, staffer Holst was travelling at a necessarily elevated rate of speed whilst quantifying dynamic stability criteria of a test unit.  Operating under Visual Riding Rules, Holst sighted an unauthorised buzzard on the road surface ahead, eating an unidentified dead thing (UDT). 

Apparently distracted by a particularly recalcitrant piece of viscera, said buzzard failed to initiate its takeoff roll expeditiously and was still in the early phases of a full-power climb-out when Holst (travelling at approximately 200 ft./sec.) realised a collision was imminent.  Holst's helmet contacted the buzzard just aft of the right wing root, resulting in instantaneous and catastrophic failure of the bird's flight-control system.  Staffer Holst blacked out momentarily immediately after impact but maintained control of his vehicle.  Later examination of his Kiwi helmet revealed substantial damage to its energy-absorbing liner, indicating the severity of the impact.

"Eyewitness accounts of the incident indicate the buzzard was not developing power after the initial collision and travelled in a ballistic arc of substantial height, eventually impacting the ground in a steep nose-down attitude. There was no fire after impact. The bird was not transponder equipped and had not filed a flight plan.

"CAUSE OF ACCIDENT: BUZZARD ERROR"

Taken from the Last Page, Motorcyclist, September 1991(The article is accompanied by a photo of a bike in the background. In the foreground we have a man in leathers holding a large bird from one wingtip. The wingspan is roughly as wide as he is tall...)