Aviation Humor

There are thousands of aviation and pilot jokes floating around the internet and many websites that collect them. Since others are doing such a great job at it, we are not going to attempt to make a comprehensive collection here, but rather point you in the right direction.

The most famous comic strip about aviation is Chicken Wings by Michael and Stefan Strasser. It is featured in many aviation magazines around the globe, and the creators publish two new strips every week on their website. You can see the most current one displayed below. Of course you can get all their books in our shop!

Another great comic strip that has a lot of aviation jokes is The Swamp by Gary Clark. His comics are daily, and many contain the antics of Ding Duck, the perpetual and luckless flight student.

Then there's the exhaustive collection of aviation humor and cartoons by Martin Leeuwis, which you can also find in the book section of our shop.

 

Check out the Aviation Humor section in our shop!

Pilot Jokes

 

And, to get you started, here are a handful of our own favorite, most "classic" aviation jokes:

Two Irish Pilots are flying in an open biplane. Says one to the other, "If we turn upside down will we fall out?" "No", says the other one, "we will always be friends".

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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?' 'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?' The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'

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A student was having difficulty with his landings. Seems like he would bounce it in every time. However, on the first night
lesson, the student greased in all of his landings.

Puzzled, the instructor asked, "How are you doing that? You have so much trouble during the day?"

The student replied, "It's easy, I continue the approach until you stiffen up, then I just pull back."

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A passenger piled his cases on the scale at an airline counter in New York and said to the clerk, "I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the square case to go to Denver and the two round ones to go to Seattle."
"I'm sorry, sir, but we can't do that."
"Why not? You did it last time!"

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"Flight 1234, for noise abatement, turn right 45 degrees.."
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

 

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A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

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A C-130 was en route to a mission when a cocky F-16 pilot flew up
next to him. The jet jockey told the C-130 pilot, "Watch this!" He
went into a barrel roll, followed by a steep climb, then finished
with a sonic boom when he reached the speed of sound.
The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought.
The C-130 pilot responded "That was impressive, but watch this."
The C-130 droned along for about 15 minutes then the 130 pilot came
back on and said "What did you think about that?"
The 16 pilot asked, "What the Hell did you do?"

The C-130 pilot responded "I got up, stretched my legs, went to the
back poured a cup of coffee and took a piss."

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ATC:  "N123YZ, say altitude."

N123YZ:  "ALTITUDE!"

ATC:  "N123YZ, say airspeed."

N123YZ:  "AIRSPEED!"

ATC:  "N123YZ, say cancel IFR."

N123YZ:  "Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated."

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Controller:  USA353 (sic) contact Cleveland Centre 135.6.

(pause)

Controller:  USA353 contact Cleveland Centre 135.6!

(pause)

Controller:  USA353 you're just like my wife -- you never listen!

Pilot:  Centre, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name you'd get a better response!

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BA 747-400 landing at LAX. The RT goes like this -

Tower : "Captain, you landed a little to the left of the centre line on that one."

Speedbird : "That's correct, and my first officer landed a little to the right." 

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Pilot: "Boeing Tower, Cessna 761 Uniform Alpha for a Mercer Departure at Alpha      Niner with information X-Ray."

Tower: "Cessna 761 Uniform Alpha cleared for takeoff, runway 13 right, fly the Mercer  departure."

Pilot: "Cessna 761 Uniform Alpha cleared for takeoff, is rolling."

 45 seconds later...

Co-Pilot: "Boeing tower, please be advised, there is a flock of seagulls near the south  end of runway 13 right at 400 ft."

Tower: (singing) "And I ran, I ran so far away... I just ran, I ran all night and day... I had  to get away.."

Pilot: "Cessna 761 Uniform Alpha has humor..."

Tower: (hysterical laughter)

(The lyric incidentally is from the chorus of the 1982 hit song 'I ran' by A Flock of Seagulls.)